I met my husband back in 2014. Things moved really fast! I am a go all in type of person and that has its ups and downs. Anyways, my husband had a daughter in 2009. When I met her she was just about to turn five years old. She was raised by her grandma since my husband worked all the time. After 6 months of being together I started raising her full time. She has taught me so much about myself and just opened my eyes to a lot of things.
I would go on google a lot to try and see if anyone was in the same position as me, but I never really found anything. There were a lot of people who had a stepchild, but they didn’t raise them full time. I had so many struggles and just wanted someone to talk to, that understood what I was going through.
I was 21 and previous to meeting my husband, I lived that party girl life. Those were good times, but that all had to stop. It was time for me to grow up. Things were not easy in the beginning. We had just moved to Las Vegas because of my husbands job. He’s a sushi chef so he worked long hours. He would leave the house around noon and didn’t get home til around 11pm. I had no friends there and I couldn’t even find a job because I had to work around her school hours. Which meant I could only work four hours a day (she was in kindergarten so was only in school for four hours) and no weekends. I had no outlet and my life was all about her. Did I have a hard time? YES! Do I regret i? ABSOLUTELY NOT. She needed me and I needed her.
BUT here is what I want to discuss with anyone that is going through something similar, please message me so we can help each other out!
- I had so much pressure from people to raise this perfect child. All eyes were on me and if she turned out bad people would tell me, Its because I’m young and raising a child that isn’t mine. I never wanted to hear that, so out of selfishness I tried to make her perfect. That caused so much stress in her and I’s relationship. That is one thing I regret the most.
- I would hear all the time, your boyfriend is so lucky to find someone like you. For some reason that statement never made me feel good. It made it seem like single parents and children who only have one of their biological parent with them is something to look down on. I mean, I understand that it’s hard and life is filled with many obstacles, but as a family we make sacrifices for each other. Good times or bad, we stick together.
- My husband and I just had a daughter. She is 7 months now and when I found out I was pregnant, the first thing that came to mind was fear. I feared that our first daughter would be jealous and feel like she didn’t belong. When we told her the news, my worst nightmare came true. She was extremely hurt and against it. Her little mind was racing with scenarios that just didn’t make any sense. I don’t blame her at all. She was scared to lose me. In her head she thought I would love my biological daughter more than her. She started coming up with the craziest things. For example- One night I asked my husband to make dinner for us. She came to me and said she doesn’t want him to make her dinner, she wanted me to. I asked her what the problem was and this is what she said, I don’t want daddy to make me food. I want you to because the amount of times that you’re going to feed the baby will not equal out to the amount of times you feed me…. My mind was blown. I didn’t know what to say and I just couldn’t understand how she thought of something like that. She started tallying everything and wanted everything got be fair. It was a really hard time.
Fast forward to us bringing the baby home. To my surprise, everything was great. Our oldest really seemed to have changed and she wanted to always feed the baby and hold her. She really loved her. I was so relieved and happy, but as time passed the jealousy started to come out. I know that is normal and that is something that we are working on. My husband and I are going to take her out once a month and have daddy/ daughter dates and mommy/ daughter dates. I hope one day she realizes how much we love her and blood related or not, we are family.
I would love to share more stories and talk with anyone who needs someone to talk to. I really wished back then that I had someone to talk to who was in the same position as me. Things would’ve probably been less stressful. Everyone needs an outlet and someone to talk to that can understand what you are going through.